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Gaming Professor Archive: 2013

Welp, I never thought I’d have to say this, but Halo is officially bad. No, no, I can’t take this, I’m…. URGHHHH!!!! GRAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

Grrr, it's Raging Professor time. Halo 4, you better be ready, because I’m gonna unleash my all on you. Class is in session, and this time it's a lesson in pain. *Cracks knuckles in preparation for a beatdown.* This stupid bullshit series that used to be loved is known as Halo. But if you didn’t realize that, I don’t blame you. Firstly, where's the iconic Halo theme song? How the hell did they forget to put the Halo theme song in this game? Its fucking Halo! Yeah, I’m sure going to mark you down for that one.

Secondly, this ridiculous story makes absolutely no sense. Gone are all the classic Halo enemies like grunts, jackals, and elites. Now the story pits you against some stupid robot fuckers. And the worst part is, I can’t even figure out why. Jesus, I have a PhD in video games and even I can’t figure it out. Clarity, anyone? Another mark down.

Thirdly, they got rid of the co-op mode for some stupid online shit you can’t even split screen. Seriously, what were they thinking?! Split screen is so important to Halo, this might as well not even be a Halo game! How did they forget to add such a critical mode? That’s a mark down for you, Gay-lo 4.

Finally, no one is talking about what they did to Cortana. She used to be this sexy computer lady that lived in your visor, but they totally changed her. Where did her boobs go?! And also, why does she have feelings now? This dumbass blue lady won’t stop slowing down the story so she can do some pathetic excuse for character development. Stupid stupid stupid. Fuck, I’m so fucking mad I could pass out. One billion marks down.

Halo 4 gets a fucking F- for being stupid piece of shit game fucking class is cancelled for the rest of the term so I can get back to my fucking binge drinking. Dismissed.